Snowball effect #IWSG

Since I totally forgot about today’s post until now and it has some relevance for me, I’m stealing Loni’s idea.

I posted previously about Crossfit. I try not to speak too much of it because I know the stigma it carries. And truthfully, from an outside observer before I started it looked like pure chaos.

I promise I’ll get to the writing part soon.

A few weeks ago there was a team workout and I got partnered up with two other women who had just started (I was not quite at my first month yet I think). They were friends who decided to do this together. Cool because my husband dragged me into this. So we’re getting set up and going since there’s different movements and it’s supposed to be one person working at a time so the other two can rest. About halfway through they’re not following the pattern anymore. Suddenly I find myself on my own for the rest of the workout because they decided I wasn’t moving fast enough for them (by the way, this is not normal behavior for people at my box – the others are very helpful and inclusive no matter their level).

I’m big and slow. I have a hard time doing stuff. I scale everything. Those simple facts began to snowball into directly negative thoughts (I can’t do this. I’ll never get anywhere. What was I thinking? Who am I kidding?) and it went beyond Crossfit. I began second guessing myself on everything, which is really bad at this time as I’m wrapping up book 2 and editing book 3. Had a panic attack about another team workout and had to sit that day out.

Lack of a decent night’s rest for who knows how long wasn’t helping either.

It became my turn at one of my critique groups and I prayed I could take people’s opinions without breaking down. I knew I had problems with the first chapter of book 3, but I couldn’t figure out what.

Managed to make it through that and start Camp NaNoWriMo (I use Camps for revisions and maybe some small side projects if I have time). I haven’t touched the first chapter yet since I decided to go through the rest of the book before I made an major changes. Need to see what I have because I know I set up a lot in the beginning that comes back.

I’m also torn a bit on a few things because readers vs critique partners again.

So I’m still on shaky ground with pretty much everything, but I’m trying to move forward.

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It’s all in the shoes

No, seriously. This post is going to be different so bear with me. It’s one of those “ah ha!” type of moments with a fair amount of head hitting the wall following.

About a month ago I was dragged pretty much kicking and screaming by my husband to join him in crossfit. I know I probably just lost a few people saying that word. Many, many tears have been shed in my frustration of being unable to keep up.

I still can’t, but I was also being held back by something: my shoes. I killed my rainbow colored sneakers (this is what happens when you let a then 3 year old pick the color) during the sheer amount of running (walking) this past Saturday and then the nail in the coffin was Monday’s workout. Tuesday I found myself researching shoes and asking horribly newbie questions of random strangers on the internet.

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Those funky rainbow colored shoes are lifestyle shoes – they are good for pretty much nothing. At least not anything that has some level of intensity to it. Actually, probably don’t even say the word exercise around them. The others are a cross training shoe.

The difference? I struggled so hard to get into a half-squat with the Sketchers. I stood in the store (very awkwardly) doing full squats in the Nike shoes without issue (except for hoping no one randomly came around the corner and saw me). I grip the floor solidly and the better side-to-side support is instantly noticeable. Now, they aren’t Metcon 3s, but they’re a good start. Trust me, I tried on the Metcon 3s and would love a pair, but that’s out of the budget right now. I’d like to try the Nano 7s, but I can’t find any in my size in the area. Are there other brands/models/etc? Yeah, but hang around on the subreddit a little bit and you’ll start getting the idea of what crossfit people go for.

Changing shoes also heavily reduced the knee and ankle pain I deal with on a regular basis. I could keep going, but this has probably already gotten boring. Needless to say, if issues with footwear ever comes up in my writing, I’ve probably already done a decent amount of research for it.

I held off on this post until after another workout where I could wear my new shoes and of course Thursday’s workout heavily featured some sort of squat in it. I still need to work on it, but now I can start tackling my personal limitations without having to fight my shoes as well. And while I’m still heavily scaled, I didn’t leave feeling completely frustrated and like I was wasting my time even trying.

Now to find some good everyday shoes to wear so I don’t kill these. The rainbow ones are completely gone – they actually hurt to wear. I’m keeping them around a little longer to possibly publicly shame them.