Reopening Closed Doors

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As 2016 rolls to a close, the thought of attempting a New Year’s Resolution or two does cross my mind. Except I’m absolutely horrible at keeping them. To the point if I don’t want something to get done, I might as well make it a resolution.

Not to mention with everything that has happened in the past year, I’ve had a lot to reflect on, which might be as much of a waste of my time as making a resolution. I try not to get too personal here since even the people closest to me have a hard time knowing what goes through my head. I tend to keep a lot to myself.

One thing I’ve been working on coming to terms with is the sheer number of doors which were closed on me over the course of my life so far. The ones especially closed by someone who continued to tell me that they would never close doors on me like their mother did to them. Why didn’t I fight it or shoulder my way through? I can’t give any kind of solid answer to that. Trust? Accepting this is how life was? The belief that I would never get anywhere going through that door? I’m not sure, but does it matter at this point?

While some doors are permanently locked, others are not and it’s time I started opening some now that those shackles are removed (this is a topic for another time). Sure, some will be dead ends, but I won’t know until I try.

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So I’m going to try for 2 relatively simple doors: 1 of something I’ve wanted to learn and 1 of something I want to revisit. For me in the above picture, the violin will be my something new and I will be revisiting archery. What I need to remind myself is that neither of these need to be accomplished in the first few months of the year and I’m also not limited to just these 2 – I can open other doors at my leisure or as opportunities arise. I also need to remind myself that I won’t be perfect to start (pretty sure my attempts at playing will sound like a tortured cat, hence the electric violin…besides, research XD) and despite growing up shooting (competition), I have spent far too many years with barely touching my bow and I will need to relearn skills which were once second nature.

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I didn’t know I needed this quote until I saw it and it fits one of the many reasons why I hesitate to try something new.

Anyone current with compounds is probably looking at my Oasis like it’s an ancient piece of technology, but it works. Yes, I prefer to shoot pins and fingers – don’t give me a release, I hated it when I tried. I’ll upgrade my sights and sight window eventually.

I guess these could be considered resolutions of some sort, but I’d rather not attach that tag since there is no concrete goal here. With any luck, I’ll be able to start moving past the regrets and fully engage in the current.

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